Currently listening to: Leona Lewis - Better in time
After being HIATUS for the past two weeks, here I am back again to pour all the thoughts that had been stucked on my mind and share some analysis behind my last tragic love life (sigh)
Do you know what....
Sometimes the greatest journey is the distance betwen two people...????
You may disagree with me, but.... Have you ever loved someone and at the same time feel that the only thing you could do is to bring out the worse in him whenever the distance is covered only a step, if not half step?
You’re miffedly torn and washed away, almost out of descent air to breathe due to drowning, with the spate of love and guilt – over and over and over again.
You only wanted the best for him, but all things come out as if the only thing you could do to him is only the worse. The worse of the worse one can imagine or actually do.
Then you’re like dense, thick, clueless, stupid, unintelligent, dim, slow, brainless, dim-witted, obtuse, almost an idiot… Who’s fault was that? Mine? The brain, the heart and the soul said it’s my fault. Solely my fault.
You love him, but no matter whatever you do, you’re only hurting him, damaging him to a point of inhumane existence. Hatred silently grew in his heart and yours.
What to do?
What to do when anything you do – whether distancing away, staying away, getting closer, doing everything you could, making things better – results only in bitterness?
What to do when doing nothing and doing everything means shit?
You feel like crying, but you feel such patheticness is intolerable for you to know exactly (to a certain degree) who and/or what you are. You know how strong and powerful you are, but at the same time such obliviousness is unbearably present, realistically in attendance.
Five people, all in their own kind of ways and languages, said that I am CREDULOUS when it comes to the object of my affection. Bizarrely, I bumped into that particular term a while before all 5 friends made those comments.
credulous /"
krEdjUl@s/ · adj. having or showing too great a readiness to believe things.
What does it mean? I wish I could fly – far up and away, alone but not lonely. My non-presence might be the best for everyone and everything.
I want to fly. Up and away.
